A Girl’s Gotta Eat (and so does everyone else): In Defense of Martha

This is one of those posts that reflects years of thought. I’m not kidding. I have been pondering this story since before the birth of my second child, and he just turned nine. I once got accused of being a Martha because I pointed out that, if our plan included a meal, someone would have to organize it. Food does not magically appear on the table (although Papa John’s online ordering with to-your-door delivery is surprisingly close).

I have always thought that Mary’s sister, Martha, gets a bad rap in Christian circles. This is probably because I am so much more like Martha than like Mary. I’m a practical girl. You say, “Let’s take a trip!”  I say, “Do we have enough gas to get there?” The kids say, “Let’s watch a movie!” I say, “Will it finish before bedtime?” In defending Martha, I am defending myself. So let’s really unpack this story (Luke 10:38-42) and get to the bottom of Martha’s situation . . . okay, her sin. Because there is no way she was wrong to fix those guys something to eat!

It seems that Jesus enjoyed being at Martha’s house. In fact, he came to love Martha and her siblings (Mary and Lazarus) intimately and even stopped in to see them one last time on His way to Jerusalem before His crucifixion (John 12:1-3). This is the family He trusted enough to let them endure profound grief for His glory. (See John 11. I wrote about this previously.) But the scene for today occurred earlier. Perhaps this was the first time Jesus ever ‘set foot’ in their home. We don’t know. At any rate, Martha invited Him and his companions to come in and have something to eat. The Scriptures say, Martha opened her home to him (Luke 10:38), demonstrating the natural hospitality of near-Eastern culture. Then she got busy. They had been travelling and were most certainly hungry.  Since they couldn’t order delivery pizza, it was necessary to actually cook.

Now this is where things get dicey. Martha got distracted by the preparations (v. 40a).  Let’s look at some of her options.

  • We can safely assume that Martha was fairly wealthy. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have invited all these people into her home. Therefore, she probably had several servants. She could have trusted them to prepare something nice and left it alone. But she didn’t.
  • Martha could have ordered food from other people (like catering) and paid them for their work. No one needed to know . . . unless they found all the take-away containers. This too was unacceptable.
  • If she wanted to do it herself, Martha could have made something simple—maybe some fruit and grilled meat if they wanted to eat quickly—or thrown some beans and rice in the whatever-functioned-like-a-crockpot-in-those-days and walked away. [Semi-random aside:  Remember when Abram prepared a meal for his three guests (Genesis 18)? They had to slaughter an animal and bake bread. Those things take quite a while. Sure, this is thousands of years later, but not much had changed. In many parts of the world, people still don’t expect to eat quickly.]

It’s clear that Martha had some pride issues because the preparations were taking every ounce of her energy and focus. She wanted to make German Chocolate Cake when no-bake cookies or boxed brownies would have been sufficient. But before you slam her, consider the fact that her motives may have been good. When I have someone special in my home, I want to serve them to the best of my ability. I want to give them the very best I have to offer—not for myself but as a way to honor that person. Perhaps Martha already recognized that Jesus was someone special; perhaps she was already growing to love Him (speaking platonically here); perhaps her heart was not that different from the widow with two small coins, who gave so generously (Luke 21:1-4). All of us have walked that fine line between honoring our guests and wanting to be honored for our exceptional hospitality (or any other gift from Him). My kids ask me why we have to clean the house before company comes over. There are days when it’s hard to answer honestly.

When the focus of that award-winning German Chocolate Cake jumps from the eater to the preparer, we have entered into sin. This is why God said He hated the Israelites’ worship in Amos 5. They went through the motions of worship, but with impure hearts. Just think about it:  (paraphrasing) “I hate your offerings because they are about you, not about Me.” He might say to me, “I hate your freshly mopped floors and your delicious muffins because you did it to make yourself look good, not to honor Me.”

Ouch.

We can’t really know Martha’s motives. I have read between the lines far more than is acceptable just because I see myself in Martha so often. Here’s what we know for sure:  Martha went to Jesus and complained (v. 40b). I can imagine her walking around behind the other men, stooping to whisper in Jesus’ ear. You see, Mary was behaving counter-culturally. She wasn’t supposed to be sitting in that room with all the men. There were clear lines of gender separation in that culture. So on top of being jealous because Mary got to listen to Jesus while she didn’t, and frustrated because she couldn’t get all the work done, we can assume that Martha was slightly embarrassed by Mary’s behavior. Her tone could have been a little whiney, or it could have been indignant. I lean toward the latter because I don’t think Martha was afraid of hard work or long hours. She wanted everything to be handled properly and in a socially-acceptable manner. Things just weren’t going the way they were supposed to go, and surely, Jesus—of all people—could see that! So she offered a solution that would help them both: tell Mary to go help in the kitchen.

Before we look at what Jesus said, let’s look at what He did not say. This is significant.

  • He didn’t deny that there was a lot of work to be done.
  • He didn’t tell Martha to quit making the preparations;
  • He didn’t tell her to sit down;
  • He didn’t suggest a simpler meal.
  • He also didn’t say that He was hungry, though,
  • or tell her about His favorite food.

Instead, His words make me think He reached out and laid his hand on her arm. He connected with her, looking beyond the dirty apron, the burn on one hand and the worn-out potholder on the other, the sweat dripping down her temple, the frizz of hair that had escaped her headscarf. He stopped whatever deep and important conversation was developing (or whatever joke was being told, because we know Jesus liked to laugh!), waiting until her eyes met his, and spoke into her heart: “We don’t need a lot, Martha. The social conventions aren’t important; I’m not going to ask Mary to leave here when she is learning so much about Me.” Perhaps I’m going too far, but I like to think that there was gratitude in His tone . . . something which told Martha He appreciated her service and understood her situation.

I spent years trying to comprehend the “one thing” of which Jesus spoke. Remember? He said, Few things are needed—or indeed only one (v. 42). This just puzzled my Martha mind . . . until recently. Mary chose to focus on Jesus. Martha chose to get distracted, and she complained. In those actions, we see her sin. She invited these people into her home then didn’t pay attention to them. The one thing needed was to prioritize Jesus.

I don’t think Jesus expected Martha to drop the potholder, wipe the sweat from her brow, ignore the burning rice, and sit down there with the others. We don’t know for sure because –frustratingly—the Word stops there. We don’t even know how Martha responded. It seems more likely, however, that she simply needed to adjust her mindset.  While Mary sat and worshiped, Martha would serve and worship. Both functioning within the will of God.

Later, Paul would say, In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:5). Your mindset has nothing to do with sitting-haha!

So, my fellow Christ-following Martha-types out there, there is NOTHING WRONG with cooking dinner. There is certainly nothing wrong with hospitality, and there is nothing wrong with giving God our absolute best. We can go ahead and bake the German Chocolate Cake if we can do it without losing focus and without detracting from our one-on-one time with Him . . . because the sin is in the why. Are we distracted from knowing Him by serving Him? Are we more interested in what people will think than how God will be glorified? Get these things sorted out, and our service becomes an act of worship, which is what God intended when He created you and me.

We serve God for His pleasure, not our pride.

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The Cake and the Icing

Motives:  why we do the things we do.

Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in [Jesus]. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; for they loved human praise more than praise from God.  -John 12:42-43

There were several leaders of the Jewish people who actually trusted and sort-of followed Jesus, but they weren’t ‘sold out’.  They weren’t willling to give up their social standing in order to follow Him openly.

In Christian circles, our problem is often the opposite.  Many of us will do the seemingly ‘sold  out’ thing:  a mission trip, a lifestyle change, a bigger leadership role at church.  But I know that I have to check my motives on these things.  I ask myself, “Are you doing it solely for Jesus’ glory . . . or are your motives even the slightest bit selfish?”  It’s easy to convince yourself that you deserve the praises or at least the attention that comes from sacrificing so much for God.  Even if you truly don’t care what other people think (yeah, right!), you may do it for that ‘pat on the back’ from God.

01-07 Barbie cakeAs I clean up after my kids’ birthday parties, there are always half-eaten pieces of cake.  But it’s not like they eat the left side and leave the right side.  With rare exceptions (that one weird kid . . .), kids eat the TOP of the cake–the part with the icing, and leave the BOTTOM.  Do you eat the cake just for the icing?  Do you still ask for that corner piece with the big flower on it?  If your cake had no icing, would you even want a piece?  Here’s my point:  If no one ever saw or recognized that thing you’re doing ‘for’ God . . . if even God didn’t give you any recognition for it . . . would you still do it?  When you are authentic with yourself, what is your real motive?

02-02 birthday cake
red velvet cake I made for myself…this was a LONG time ago! (c) Carole Sparks

I am not advocating a ban on cake icing–blah.  Nor am I suggesting that we drop all of our Kingdom work until we have a chance to examine our motives.  But let’s be completely honest with ourselves.  Let’s ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those areas of service where we’re actually more interested in our own glory than in His.  This is something I struggled with even in starting this blog, and it’s the reason I don’t use my name or details anywhere on the site.  I long to be more important at the same time that Father keeps calling me to be less (Jn 3:30).

The right thing done for the wrong reason is as much a sin as doing the wrong thing.  Ouch.  It’s because He is more interested in our being than our doing.  And the wrong thing done for the right reason?  The end justifies the means?  (I’ve written about this before.)  Still sin.  The way is certainly narrow.

09-18 Tennessee Valley Fair (10) cake decorating
cake decorating competition at the Tennessee Valley Fair. I did NOT make this cake, just took a picture. (c) Carole Sparks

Here’s the challenge:  Will you sacrifice that well done, my good and faithful servant (Matt 25:23)  on the altar of His glory?  Are you willing to release even that?  Until we can get to the place where we need absolutely NOTHING in return for our obedience–not from God or from others–He is not receiving the utmost glory.

Would you serve God if there were no glory or honor in it? Would you eat the cake without the icing? via @Carole_Sparks #NotAboutMe #motives (click to tweet)